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            How to Be a Man (如何成为一个男人)

            What does it mean to be a man today? How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?

            Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:

            在今日成为一个男人是什么意思?男人要如何自觉的展现他们的男人特质,且在一方面不变得冷漠或内心封闭… 并在另一方面不变得懦弱或柔弱?什么是一个自觉的男人展现他自己最美好的方式?

            这里是让男人更自觉的生活的 10 个方法:

            1. Make real decisions.

            A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.

            When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.

            A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

            1. 做真正的决定

            一个男人了解并尊重选择的力量。他活在一个他自己创造的生活里。他知道当他不决定时人生停滞,而当他选择一条清楚的路径时人生是多采多姿的。

            当一个男人做决定时,他打开他想要的门并关上他不想要的门。他像导弹般的锁住他的目标。没人能保证他会到达他的目标,而他也知道这点,但他不需要这样的保证。他就是喜爱压下发射按钮所带来的那必然性感觉。

            一个男人不需要别人的认同。他愿意追随他的内心,不管它引领他去哪里。当一个男人追随他内心的路径,即使全世界都反对他,后果也是唯不足道。

            2. Put your relationships second.

            A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

            A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

            Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.

            2. 把你的两性关系放在第二顺位

            一个声称人生第一重要的是他的另一半 (或家人) 的男人不是太不诚实就是太软弱而不能被信赖。他的忠诚放错位置。一个把别人的价值摆在他自己人格之上的男人是一个可怜的人,不是一个自主的思考者。

            一个男人知道他必需投入在比满足几个人的需求更大的事情里。他不愿意被家庭化,但他愿意接受伴随更大挑战所带来的责任。他知道当他闪躲那个责任,他变得不足是一个男人。当其它人看到这个男人不退让地全然投入于他的价值及理想,他得到他们的信任及尊重,即便是他不能得到他们直接的支持。一个男人失去别人尊重 (及他的自尊) 最肯定的方式是违背他自己的价值。

            生活将考验男人来看他是否愿意把对别人的忠诚摆在他的原则之上。男人会被提供许多诱惑来暴露他真正的忠诚。一个男人最大的报偿是正直的生活,而他最大的惩罚是经由把事情放在他人格之上而带给自己的痛楚。每当男人牺牲他的人格,他即失去了他的自由… 以及他自己。他成为一个被可怜的对象。

            3. Be willing to fail.

            A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.

            A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.

            A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.

            3. 愿意失败

            一个男人愿意犯错。他愿意是错的一方。他宁可尝试并失败也不要什么都不做。

            一个男人对自我的信任是他最大的资产之一。当他借由担心失败来自我猜测,他削弱了自己。一个有才智的人顾及失败的前景,但他不让没意义的担心占满他的思绪。他认同如果有一个失败的结果发生,他能够处理它。

            一个男人在失败中的成长大于他在成功中的成长。成功无法同失败般的测试他的决心。成功有它的挑战,但当一个男人接受带有风险的挑战他会更加了解自己。当一个男人小心翼翼,他失去了生命力,且失去了他的锋芒。

            4. Be confident.

            A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.

            A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.

            A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.

            4. 有自信

            一个男人有自信的讲话及做事,他掌控他的态度。

            一个男人采取自信的姿态不是因为他知道他将他成功。他通常知道失败是一个可能的结果。但当成功的机率明显的对他不利,他仍然散发自信。这不是因为他无知或拒绝接受。这是因为他在向自己证明他有超越自我怀疑的力量。这会建立他的勇气及坚持,他其中两个最有价值的盟友。

            一个人愿意被世界打败,他愿意被他所不能控制的环境所打倒,但他拒绝被自己的自我怀疑所征服。他知道当他停止相信自己,他必然会失败。有必要时他将向命运投降,但他不会向恐惧投降。

            5. Express love actively.

            A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.

            Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.

            5. 主动表达你的爱

            一个男人是爱的主动给予者,不是一个被动的接受者。一个男人是第一个开始谈话的人,第一个问有何需要的人,及第一个说「我爱你」的人。等待其它人做第一个动作是不适合他的。宇宙不会正面地回应他的犹豫。只有他在行动时圈住丰裕的闸门才会打开。

            男人是能量源头的延伸。与世界分享他的爱是他的工作 – 他的责任。他必需自行断绝吸取别人的能量并自己成为一个活跃的能量传送者。他必需允许那个能量从源头流出,经由他,然后进入世界。当他接受了这个角色,他不会怀疑他是以他真正的自我在生活。

            6. Re-channel sex energy.

            A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.

            A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)

            A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.

            6. 重新导向性能力

            一个男人不会隐藏他的性征。如果别人因为他太男人而回避他,他接受他们能有他们的反应。他没有必要只为避免惊吓胆小者而降低他的能量。一个男人接受身为男性的结果;他不会为他的本性而道歉。

            一个男人会留意不让他的能量卡在性欲的层面。他将他大部分的性能量重新导向他的心智及大脑,在那它可以为他更高层级的价值服务,而不是只有他的动物本能。(你可以做到,借由想像此能量上升、扩张,最后在你整个身体流动甚至超出。)

            一个男人将他的性能量导向他内心的追求。他感受到这能量在他体内脉动,驱使他去行动。站着不动让他感到不舒服。他让他的性能量经由他的内心爆发,而不是只透过他的生殖器。

            7. Face your fears.

            For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.

            A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.

            A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.

            A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.

            7. 面对你的恐惧

            对一个男人来说,害怕做某件事已给他充足的理由去做它。一个男人的害怕是一个考验的征召。当一个男人躲避他的恐惧,他已脱离了他的真实自我。他感到软弱、消沈、及无助。不管他多么努力安慰自己及达到一个平静的状态,他无法克服内在的担忧感觉。只有在面对恐惧时一个男人才能感到平静。

            一个男人与风险做朋友,他不会逃跑或躲避恐惧的考验,他转身面对它们并与它们勇敢交手。

            一个男人成功或失败,一个懦夫从不做尝试。相较于他的方向,一个男人比较不在意特定的结果。

            每当一个男人面朝对的方向,直视他的恐惧,他会感觉像一个男人。当他朝他恐惧的方向前进,犹如在心中尖叫的风上航行,他感觉更像是一个男人。

            8. Honor the masculinity of other men.

            When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.

            When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.

            The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.

            A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.

            8. 尊重其它男人的男子气

            当一个男人看到一个男性朋友从事一项新的、明显会通往失败的事业,他会怎么做?他会警告他朋友离开这条路吗?不,男人会鼓励他的朋友继续。男人知道让他朋友自信的踏出且从失败经验里学习比较好。男人尊重他朋友努力争取及尝试的决定。男人不会拒给他的朋友一个失败经验的益处。男人可能会提供引导给他的朋友,但他知道他的朋友必需重复的失败来发展对自我的信任及勇气。

            当你看到一个男人在健身房奋力举起很重的砝码,你会跑去说:「来… 让我帮你举,我们两个或许可以一同举它」?不,那会抢走他的成长经验 – 且很可能马上成为他的敌人。

            男人的旅途是充满障碍的,一般而言它包含的失败比成功多。这些阻碍能帮助一个男人发掘什么是真正对他重要的。透过重复的失败,一个男人学会坚持对有价值目标的追求并抛弃对他没价值的目标。

            一个男人能处理多次被击倒。每一次身体上的挫折,他体验、他享受到心灵的提升,而那对他已经足够。

            9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

            A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.

            A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.

            A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.

            A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.

            9. 为你的人际关系负责

            一个男人自觉的挑选他的朋友、爱人、及伙伴。他主动找到能激发及挑战他的人的陪伴,而且他愿意脱离抑制住他的人。

            一个男人不会因他的人际关系问题而怪别人。当一个关系不再与他内心的道路相符时,他提起分手且不带责难或罪恶感的离开。

            一个男人要自己责负他允许进入他人生的人际关系。他要求别人对他们的行为负责,但他要求自己对忍受该行为的决定负责。

            一个男人借由他愿意允许进入他人生的人际关系来教导别人如何对待他。一个男人拒绝让负面或破坏性关系充斥在他的人生里;他知道那是自虐的一种型式。

            10. Die well.

            A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.

            A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

            10. 完好的死

            一个男人的大挑战是培养他内在的力量来展现他真正的自己。他必需学习没有保留的与世界分享他的爱。当一个男人满意他已做到这点,他即可与死亡和谐共处。但他如果没做到这点,死亡成为他的敌人且在他人生的每一天困扰着他。

            一个男人无法完好的死除非他完好的活。当一个男人接受他的死亡,并从了解他的驱体存在只是暂时的那得到力量,他便可以完好的活。当一个男人面对且接受死亡的必然性… 当他学到把死亡看作他的盟友而不是他的敌人… 他最终将能表达他真正的自己。所以一个男人还没准备好活着直到他接受他已经死亡。

            此篇文章取自 Steve Pavlina 的部落格:StevePavlina.com – Personal Development for Smart People (聪明人的个人成长)

            1. Hi, John,

              Who wrote this article? It’s interesting; however, you didn’t indicate the source. I assumed you would post “How to Be a Woman” today(02/06/2012), but you didn’t. So when will we read the counterpart in order to make a comparison?

              • Baobao, sorry for the late reply. This article is written by a very popular blogger named Steve Pavlina. His blog is called Personal Development for Smart People. “How to Be a Man” is one of his most popular articles. He invited his female readers to write “How to Be a Woman” and submit to him. He has picked and published his favorites. Maybe I will publish one of them in the future.

            在此留言:

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